It scares me - what I’m capable of doing to myself. What do you do when the blade stops making you numb? You can cut a million times, deeper and deeper, but still feel. I want to feel, but I don’t want to feel. Do you get me? Cutting used to make my entire body numb. Is it possible to be immuned to the pain because you’ve been doing it for so long? I can’t stop. Not now.