Si aun me amas te estaré esperando el sábado 5 de Octubre en la parada de metro donde nos besamos por primera vez en Valencia. A partir de las 17:00 estaré esperándote.

Yo siempre soy puntual. No pasara nada si no vienes.



You will find yourself without the desire to continue. You will feel hopeless and alone. You won’t have the force to struggle anymore. Everything you will have thought will be void and meaningless. When you’ll reach the bottom, you will simply sit and look up, thinking everything is useless. Even if others will try to cheer up and to persuade you to get up and go on, you won’t listen to them. It will not matter to you anymore. The people you used to hang out with will start to leave, one by one, until you will finally find yourself alone. But it won’t matter to you. Nothing will.

But then you will feel it. Something touching you. Something you will have forgotten. A strange heat, like when you cared, when you liked the people, the skies were blue and the future was so bright, and Earth were not a cold, dead place.

You will look down, at the source of that heat, at that strange feeling that comes from the outside and warms up your heart and your mind. And then you will see it. Your hand in mine. And you will know.

Blog off.

Hasta siempre.

.

Hay momentos que te miro
y no escucho por mirarte
las palabras se pierden
silencio.
Un olvido necesario,
como una prioridad
de verte y no ceder
a repartir tu presencia
en mas sentidos
no siempre se nos da
la vista como a un don
tan amplio o tan rotundo
como verte.

¿Qué pasaría si el amor de tu vida aparece 23 años después mirándote a tus ojos sin hablar?

Esta es una verdadera historia de amor entre una serbia (Marina Abramovic) y un alemán (Ulay). Una pareja de artistas que se conocieron allá por el 76´ en Ámsterdam.

Fue un amor a primera vista y juntos se potenciaron creativamente dedicándose en cuerpo y alma a hacer performances poniendo el foco en la conceptualización de lo humano.

Luego de vivir varios años juntos vieron que la relación llegaba a su fin y de común acuerdo hicieron la última performance titulada “Los  amantes”. La idea era que Marina y Ulay empezaban a caminar por separado los dos extremos de la Gran Muralla China para luego encontrarse, abrazarse y despedirse para siempre. Una idea, tenemos que reconocer realmente INCREIBLE para terminar con una relación.

Luego se dejaron de verse por 23 años, hasta que un día Marina expone en el Moma su muestra “El artista está presente” que básicamente consistía en mirar durante 1 minuto y en silencio a todos los que se sentaban frente a ella… hasta que de pronto el que se sienta frente a ella es el mismo Ulay.

Sí, 23 años después, sin saberlo, el gran amor de su vida la mira fijamente durante 60 segundos.

¿El resultado?

It's just the price I pay.

Remember to smile along the way.

Those notes you wrote me, I've kept them all.

I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall. With every single letter in every single word there will be a hidden message about a boy that loves a girl.

Torsten Goods.

Sometimes.

Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
I wish I could feel no pain
I wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
I wish I was you not I

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

Sometimes
I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world for you and me.

I just wanna sing a song with you. I just want to take it off of you.

Old letter.

It was all good just a week ago
You said you loved me and you swore that you meant it
I felt my heart race as the words whispered off your lips

Remember when you said that I was perfection
I remember as if it were yesterday

Now I see you going off to someone else
My heart slowly breaks into tiny little pieces
You're not here to wipe my tears, kiss me, or even hold me

What happened to the old you?
The one that said forever
The one that said I will never leave you

She's gone and never coming back
Now I sit here wondering what did I do?
Why can't you tell me?

Maybe this means we weren't meant to be
But I hope down the road we meet again

I've learned a lesson from you
And that lesson is to never give your heart up so easy
Cause it blows away like a leaf in the autumn wind

From strangers, to friends, to lovers, to the end.

Missing.

Apsides.

The moment I thought I knew
where I was standing,
counting minutes by
the beat of my hands tapping,
all the walls are covered in my fault.

I once wrote a song,
the meaning was lost
when my words came out wrong.
But you all held it down,
you all held it to me to sing it out loud.
Just understand
that I don’t want to do this again.
We grew apart,
and I can feel for once
that I belong somewhere else.

Will it sell?
And will the kids define it
as something that breaks the ground,
and all the things that don’t amount
to anything at all?

Back on Valencia
we were so unsure.
I can still hear your laugh
back from where we were.

So don’t walk
too far.
You won’t
see a thing.
And don’t feel, so bad,
don’t feel, so bad.

Under a falling sky.

We all fall down in time.
We die for all we've had.
We can't form the sound.
In time, it will make up for now.

I can feel it removed,
every feeling confused.
We've got so much to lose.

.

It could be me,
could you find
a reason to find
any other?

Fall is near,
October is the month
I swore you in.
And I can't say
I don't feel any sympathy.

I feel you
deeper when you're further from my arms.
And it burns inside my heart.

So, "come home", she says to me,
everything, everything that I could say
won't change that or anything
I chose a way and I can't take it back.
But your face, I have in my head
is what keeps me from loosing my steps.
And it's your voice, that tells me that I've got
a place to come home in the end.

Yeah we are fortunate ones
but home is further from us.
And this could mean more
than anything I've felt in me.
Yeah we are fortunate ones.

Eastern Leaves.

I won't say it for
any reason at all.
Just know
I can't explain the words,
I fail to say.

I can't drive another road.
That doesn't guide me back home.
Alone, someday I would say,
I am all I am,
I am all the same.

Driving home to darkened streets.
Please show yourself to me.
And I fall down
to the rhythm of loosing you.
And I still choose
the comfort in finding you.

But you can't fail to see
anything but me.
And the world that we make,
when it falls into place.
I think it's fair to say
that we have both seen better days.
And I can't seem to be
anything but me.
And a fool to myself,
I got no one else.
I think it's fair to say
that we have both seen better days.

Well I hope
that you know
that I can't
feel a thing.
From this high
that I've got
but everything is burning up,
inside my heart.

I swear that I'm finally taking,
my words that are bruised and broken.
To places I've never spoken,
way down, way down.

(Well I hope)
I swear that I'm shifting forward
(that you know)
and I'll try to provide it all for you.
(that I can't)
For reasons I've never spoken,
(feel a thing)
way down,
way down.

Seasonal.

Just put aside your grief
and insecure beliefs;
and drive with me, side with me.
When all you see,
are roads hidden between,
the towns we know
and signs we don't.

We're riding through the side streets,
a place we thought we threw away.
But we let it stay.

We let the night remind us,
to shed our skin and hope
to start again,
hope to start again.

I can't forget I want you here,
everything together.
If you don't mind now,
a place we both remember.
Just a little bit more than I can say,
everything together.
Everything feels far away.
Everything,
far away.

Burn pile.

Well I'm learning to make,
this a permanent feeling.
I guess this
is how the living start
learning about dying.
And this knot is interior,
in this house and in these bones.

But who am I to say?
I miss you all the same
and the blood in your veins.
The earth and the debris that I haul,
feel the weight of it all

I swear it away.
You'll remember me.
I swore it away.
You'll remember me.
Walk it out to the burn pile.
All the debris I haul,
feel the weight of it all.
You'll remember me.

But who am I to say?
The blood of our youth
is the blood in our veins.
The earth and the debris that I haul,
feel the weight of it all.
Well I swear it away.

Swing set.

Hey you, you're irreversible
My name is meant to never cross your words
so leave me to be alone.

All you say, all you say
is everything you try to be.
And all you know, all you know
is nothing true of what you think of me.

So don't talk now.
You can think,
you can't speak.
So don't cry now.
You're my girlfriend in my head
but I don't know if you want to be.

So settle down,
I won't begin to leave.
I've lost myself
in things I don't believe.
And all this time I've been myself
to all of you.

So don't talk now.

So don't cry now,
(settle down),
you're my girlfriend in my head
but I don't know if you want to be.

.

Because I have a wandering heart that is always three
steps in front of my head, urging it to follow.
Because I close my eyes in the shower and hear
a waterfall, an ocean, a last gasp for air.
Because I have no secrets-
just pain, categorized and filed away in alphabetical order.
Because I know the proper way to nod at a police officer
when bailing out a loved one,
how to moan in a way that both my
lovers and husbands can enjoy,
and how to convince my friends
that the gurgling in my stomach
isn’t my passion berating me for wearing a mask.
Because I have a spine like a roadway,
arms like clock towers,
and fantasize about cities,
not others’ arms when you hold me.
Because all anybody wants to hear is
“YOU’RE ALIVE YOU’RE ALIVE”,
even if their emotionless face says otherwise while they
board the bus or pay for coffee,
and I understand this, I love them for this,
even when I am unable to love myself.
Because I have spent my life being told I am quiet,
even when I think I am doing a good job
of smiling and holding a conversation like any other
person would do.
Because when I look at my reflection,
I am either apathetic from having seen it so much,
complimentary, judgmental,
or in complete awe that I am a living breathing thing
who is able to write and talk
and cannot understand why we don’t all break down
every so often and gawk at each other’s
wonderful moving machinery on the sidewalk.
Because, since my childhood, I have grown
anxious and teary-eyed
just by thinking about
the whole mess of being alive
and how beautiful it is,
how strange it is,
how much it aches simply to “be.”
Because I am struggling as much as you are
and know that dealing with being alive sometimes means
holding each other, falling asleep together,
showing up at your door at 1 a.m. with a bottle of wine
and plans to run through the streets,
taking trips for fun,
fucking, making love, staying up late,
or going home early,
and all of these things are
equally
necessary.

If it means a lot to you...

To the girl i'm not going to have again.

I’m glad that you’re happy and you’re building yourself again after being lost for the past few years. I am so sorry for breaking your heart after you gave it to me. Sorry for not being your perfect boy, I am so sorry for not appreciating you. and now, I am suffering from my stupidity because i long for you and i miss you alot.

I am happy that you finally found someone who will love you the way you expected me to love you. He’s so lucky.

It scares me - what I’m capable of doing to myself. What do you do when the blade stops making you numb? You can cut a million times, deeper and deeper, but still feel. I want to feel, but I don’t want to feel. Do you get me? Cutting used to make my entire body numb. Is it possible to be immuned to the pain because you’ve been doing it for so long? I can’t stop. Not now.

I said to myself that one day, I’ll be the saving others life. I wanted to help, I wanted to be the one knowing what to do whenever someones in pain. I dont want to be the standing in the corner cause I dont know a single thing. I need to be strong, I need to fight..

Sometimes...

I wish...

Will your heart still race for me? Or will it march to a new beat?

These words might be, too little too late. And I'm afraid that I have already lost you.

I will blame myself.

The stars are aligned, but they don't align for us
Excuse me for I am the ocean, and I will starve for you
Will you know how to stay brave?
Such fragile moments we share
You are my everything
Even with nothing to say.

Dear My Body and Mind

Why wont you let me sleep at a decent time anymore? Why wont you let me be tired? Please.. I would like to sleep without sleeping at a time that makes me miss most of the day. Also mind, stop being so easily distacted, you make it all the more difficult.

Someone Who Wants To Sleep,

Myself.

Sometimes, you just need a break in a beautiful place. Alone. To figure everything out.

The end.

"Ver películas románticas y llorar con todo lo que se dice la pareja de enamorados, sobre todo el uno al otro. Descargar la banda sonora y recordar las escenas como si fueran las mismas cosas que yo viví. Guardar palabras y pegarlas en mi mente, como si hablasen de mí. Conexión en versos tontos y clichés que el narrador hace aparecer como sea posible. Nadie dice cosas como: "Voy a hacer que se enamore de mí otra vez", o "Si saltas yo salto". Las películas nos llevan a creer que te puedes enamorar en una semana y vivir ese amor toda la vida. Los paisajes mágicos y fascinantes hacen que todo parezca tan patéticamente hermoso. Los hombres llevan flores a las mujeres que los rechazan y no se dan por vencidos hasta que hablan sobre las cosas bellas y lloran. Las películas son en realidad "escondites" para que me acostumbré a ir cuando la vida parezca demasiado difícil. Puede sonar estúpido, pero me dan la esperanza de que algún día voy a vivir mi película, mi película romántica y no va a tener el "final" en el "feliz".

Here’s the song about feeling bad and feeling better.

City & Colour.

Casey's Song (Peter Lara Acoustic Cover)

.

Sólo escribo para recordar que amé,
que a veces como un río
abracé las ensenadas,
la rompiente de tus mareas y lunas,
la lluvia azul que te habitaba,
el gemido roto de ese verso
que desató en mi vientre caracolas.
Sólo escribo para recordar que amé,
que fui un instante de piel
en la cubierta calcárea de las horas.

Y mañana, con el cuerpo caduco
y la memoria, sea más liviano
mi viaje hacia las sombras.

Loving you could be so easy. Loving you could be so great.

But how can I try to explain your story never seems to stay the same. You're out of touch and I'm out of time, just talk to me a while and joke about the things we used to see. It's so hard for me to smile.

I've never felt so alone, after all of this there's so much left to lose and I've taken pieces home. I promise you I never meant to.

But how can I complain? When everybody seems to know my name you're out of luck and I'm out of line. It's such a selfish compromise, self indulgent, useless, bunch of lies I never thought you would believe.

Loving you would be so easy. Loving you could be so great...

Simple and clean.

When you walk away
You don't hear me say,
"Please, oh baby, don't go."
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

You're giving me too many things
Lately, you're all I need.
You smiled at me and said,

"Don't get me wrong, I love you,
But does that mean I have to meet your father?"
When we are older you'll understand
What I meant when I said,
"No, I don't think life is quite that simple"

"Wish I could prove I love you,
But does that mean I have to walk on water?"

Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before.

Vincent van Gogh - From ‘Almond Blossoms’ Series (1888-1890)

The quiet things that no one ever knows.

The boy who blocked his own shot.

If it makes you less sad
I will die by your hand
I hope you find out what you want
I already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad
We'll start talking again
And you can tell me how vile
I already know that I am

I'll grow old
And start acting my age
I'll be a brand new day
In a life that you hate
A crown of gold
A heart that's harder than stone
And it hurts a whole lot
But it's missed when it's gone

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget

If it makes you less sad
I'll move out of the state
You can keep to yourself
I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad
I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint
I will paint myself out
It's as cold as a tomb
And it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed
To pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits
Or get a grip
Say you wanted a solution
You just wanted to be missed

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget
So you can forget
You can forget

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white like the skin
Stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin
Standing trial for your sins
Holding onto yourself the best you can
You are the smell before the rain
You are the blood in my veins

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget...

My Bed Banter & Beyond.

Relationships don’t work the way they do in the movies. Will they? Won’t they? They finally do and they’re happy for ever. Nine out of ten end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones that get married get divorced anyway.

And through all this, I have not become a cynic. I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies, and you know, in some cultures, a chicken.

You can call me a sucker. I don’t care. Because I do believe in it. Bottom line is couples that are right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else. But the big difference is, they don’t let it take them down. One of those two people will fight for that relationship every time, if it’s right and they’re real lucky. One of them will say something…

You don't give up just because things are hard.

It’s easy to give up when things get hard. It’s easy to feel defeated and hopeless when life becomes a struggle. But just because things are bad now doesn’t mean they always will be. A bad day doesn’t mean you will have a bad life. You are wired for struggle. You are a warrior and a survivor. Struggling isn’t a reason to give up—it’s an opportunity to practice being brave.

No matter how difficult things get or how many times you fall, you have to find the strength within to pick yourself back up. Because you can. Because you exist, and therefore you matter. Because people need you. And because people care about you.

You keep pushing forward, every day, no matter how dark things seem because you have the opportunity to do so much good in this world. To touch people’s lives, to make connections, to contribute to projects you are passionate about, to fight for the people you love, to make your mark on this planet. You have far more power than you realize. And you are so much more important than you know.

Don’t give up. Things can and will get better. You aren’t alone and you are so loved.

M.I.N.Y.

The winter I told you I think icicles are magic
you stole an enormous icicle from a neighbors shingle
and gave it to me as a gift
I kept it in my freezer for seven months
until the day I hurt my foot
I needed something to reduce the swelling
love isn't always magic
sometimes its just melting
or its black and blue
where it hurts the most
last night I saw your ghost
pedaling a bicycle with a basket
towards a moon as full as my heavy head
and i wanted nothing more than to be sitting in that basket
like ET with my glowing heart glowing right through my chest
and my glowing finger pointing in the direction of our home
two years ago I said I never want to write our break up poem
you built me a time capsule full of big league chew
and promised to never burst my bubble
I loved you from our first date at the batting cages
when I missed 23 balls in a row
and you looked at me
like I was a home run in the ninth inning of the world series
now every time I hear the word love I think going going
the first week you were gone
I kept seeing your hand wave goodbye
like a windshield wiper in a flooding car
and the last real moment I believed the hurricane would let me out alive
yesterday i carved your name into the surface of an ice cube
then held it against my heart til it melted into my aching pores
today i cried so hard the neighbors knocked on my door
and asked if I wanted to borrow some sugar
I told them I left my sweet tooth in your belly button
love isn't always magic
but if I offered my life to the magician
if I told her to cut me in half
so tonight I could come to you whole
and ask for you back
would you listen
for this dark alley love song
for the winter we heated our home from the steam off our own bodies
I wrote too many poems in a language I did not yet know how to speak
But I know now it doesn't matter how well I say grace
if I am sitting at a table where I am offering no bread to eat
So this is my wheat field
you can have every acre love
this is my garden song
this is my fist fight
with that bitter frost
tonight I begged another stage light to become that back alley street lamp that we danced beneath
the night your warm mouth fell on my timid cheek
as i sang maybe i need you
off key
but in tune
maybe i need you the way that big moon needs that open sea
maybe i didn't even know i was here til i saw you holding me
give me one room to come home to
give me the palm of your hand
every strand of my hair is a kite string
and I have been blue in the face with your sky
crying a flood over Quart
lover I smashed my glass slipper to build a stained glass window for every wall inside my chest
now my heart is a pressed flower
so I'm putting all of my words in the collection plate
I am setting the table with bread and grace
my knees are bent
like the corner of a page
I am saving your place.

Maybe I need you here in this world on fire.

“Who the hell cares what anybody else thinks? Just look into your heart and do whatever the hell makes you happy.”

ABOUT ME.

Hi! My name is Peter. I’m kinda shy but once you know me I’m pretty hyper.

I’ve never stood out as a great person… I’ve been told I’m nice. But what does that really mean coming from most people? A nice person is someone that say thank you to their waitress and holds the door open for the person behind them. It doesn’t take much effort to be a “nice person.” My whole life I’ve known peers that have just radiated positive emotions. I know people that are just a pleasure to be around no matter what- always pleasant and encouraging. I strive to be one of these people, but I always fall short.

Lately I’ve noticed that I don’t seem to have a very positive effect on the people around me. I try to be someone that is always encouraging others, but I just don’t seem to be capable of the task. I always have a positive outlook on life. I can’t remember the last time I got upset over anything. I don’t like to complain about things or about other people. I don’t even like to think thoughts that are negative towards anyone. On paper, it seems like I’m doing everything right, but in reality, I don’t see those this positive outlook being reflected on the ones around me.

I used to be extremely extroverted when I was younger. I would annoy all of my teachers because I couldn’t stop talking. I thrived on my relationships with my friends. But somewhere in high school, that changed. I grew apart from most of my friends, and I quit being as outgoing as I once was. In fact, I felt a strong urge to get away from everyone I knew. So I could escape from the place where I grew up.

Now and I’m starting to learn some things about myself that I didn’t know before. I’m starting to realize how hard it is for me to make friends. Now, looking back, I feel like they never really liked me. Every time I reminisce the memories of my times spent with friends, I see that I was the person nobody really wanted to deal with. I was a downer. I did things that upset the people I was close to. I hate the way I acted, and I don’t want to be like that anymore, but I don’t seem to have a choice. No matter what I do, I keep making the same mistakes and acting like a jerk.

I don’t talk very much anymore. I try to avoid conversation, actually I somewhat fear it. I purposefully avoid people so I won’t have to put on a fake smile an think of small talk. I walk by people I know and pretend not to see them so I won’t have to put on that fake face to say hello. I feel obligated to talk to the friends I have. The only time I want to start a conversation is when I need something from someone.

I’ve keep reading posts on here that say that one should be happy with one’s self, and I am content with being by myself. That’s what I have been focused on for the last 2 months or so. I ended a relationship with one of my most trusted friends (of the opposite sex) and I have been focusing on growing myself as an independent person. But there is a dark side to this. I am losing touch with other people. My mantra is to love everyone, but that doesn’t seem to work. There isn’t anyone that I dislike, but there is nobody that I really love. Everyone is in this neutral zone (Obviously I have persons that I love more than anything in the whole world). I can’t appreciate people for who they are, and I feel disconnected from them. I feel that the people who know me feel obligated to talk to me. I mean, I wouldn’t want to talk to me. I want to change who I am and how I act, but I can’t. Every time I feel like I have made progress I realize that I haven’t changed at all. I haven’t changed since 5th grade. I don’t want to be the person that pisses everyone off. I want to be the one that encourages everyone around them. I just can’t do that though, it just doesn’t seem to be in me. Every passing minute is another chance to turn things around…

But if you think I’m an asshole. Know that I’m jealous of you.
Yours truly,

A jealous asshole.

Every passing minute is another chance to turn things around...

Use your smile to change the world but don't let the world change your smile.

When I was younger I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it.

And my momma swore that she would never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.

 But darling, you are the only exception.

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone.
Or keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I have sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness.

With a young mind, you’ll upset a world gone mad with a lust for success and the burden of perfection. If you can remember your hunger for truth, take heart. Speak from your heart, let your actions show who you are. Don’t let this frigid life starve out the artist in you. Take heart, this dream within will carry you through, defend your passion, remember your youth. Take heart, there’s no one who will take it for you. Wake now, face the day finding your strength, let the light permeate the grey. Defend what you love, remember your passionate days.

...

Let's talk about the old days,
Let's talk about your friends,
Let's talk about the summer
And how you wish it wouldn't end.

Did I forget to tell you,
How pretty you looked in that dress?
In the first time that I saw you,
You cleaned the mess from my head.

And I don't mind, If we take our time.
No, I don't mind.

Lets go walkin' on the boardwalk,
Dip our feet into the sea.
Lets find ourselves lost for hours,
Until we find ourselves a drink.

Lets talk that sun into setting,
Just need the sound of your voice.
Need that calming and the comfort,
Something to drown out the noise.

And I don't mind, If we take our time,
'Cause I'm all yours If you're all mine.

Something I've been meanin' to tell you,
About three years and a day.
I'd very much like to get married,
Maybe have kids and move away,

'Cause there ain't nothing like your smile,
Your legs and those eyes.
I will beg and steal and borrow
To keep you safe your whole life.

And I don't mind, If we take our time, 'Cause I'm all yours If you're all mine.

Entombed.

Not me anymore.